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About Varied / Student ThispersonisunknownOther/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 2 Years
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Selfish human being
It's just another day.
I get up, go to the bathroom, and head into the kitchen.
My dad reminds me to take my pills, so I take them.
And then...then I head off to my laptop and peruse my social media things.
The approval of other people on the internet is my addiction.
A good friend of mine hasen't talked to me in a month.
I send a message to them, and wait until tomorrow.
Someone I've roleplayed with for a while, also hasen't responded to me in a while.
I send them a message and wait for a day.
Then... I go to a particular friends page.
The talk I have with them is so...draining...
They say that they're 'leaving' in a few days.
But I know what they really mean.
And I'm kicking myself for not being able to convince them that they matter to me.
I reach a point where it's to much, and I stop talking to them.
So instead, I waste my life on videos that don't matter.
Next day comes in.
Both of the people that haven't responded to me in a while still haven't contacted me.
Though one of them h
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 3 8
A giant hill with a paved trail running down it.
A busy street with factories on one side like a wall.
A place called taco city.
A Hollywood video next to a subway and a grocery store.
A gymnasium with balance beams and trampolines.
A train track.
An unfinished ice skating rink.
A hardees above a car dealership.
A church next to a big airport.
A local shop that sells local cheese and other local stuff.
A restaurant with a plane in front of it, next to a Denny's.
A strip of food places serving food from around the world.
An elementary school with dandelions as the main type of flower.
A big city where the tallest building is owned by a bank.
A science building where kids keep forcing them to change the exhibits every day.
A research project where they listen to you talk while you play with play dough.
A scent of bacon that you wake up to every morning because of the factory nearby.
A parking lot behind the house that only the big trucks use.
A pile of snow in said parking lot.
...I stil
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 4 15
Had a moment of self reflection today.
Had a few friends talk to me.
Had a food item we were looking for in stock.
Had a lovely conversation with my mother.
But even after all these good things happened...
I still wasn't happy.
Or happy enough I guess you could say.
I know that they're still working on meds and stuff.
Used to take antidepressants apparently.
But bi-polar depression is different from "normal" depression.
So I can't take them anymore.
I mean, I'm trying to see light at the end of the tunnel.
And I'm better than I was before...
But I'm still not 98% ok.
More like 50%.
And I know you people want me to stop using my poetry as a personal blog.
Without the personal stuff however, the poetry wouldn't exist.
I have to be in the mood to poke fun at humanity, ya know what I mean?
So, whatever...
It is what it is...
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 3 10
It's a new thing.
It's supposed to be a fun thing.
It makes me nervous.
It made me talk to my parents about it.
It sounds like they support me.
It feels like they want nothing to do with it.
It feels like they haven't been through what I'm going through.
It seems like I'm overreacting.
It feels like uncontrollable feelings I don't understand.
It makes me feel like an idiot.
It's just... what it is...
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 3 3
A conversation I will never have
Hello teacher.
I know you walked out on me for a reason.
...And I know it wasn't just to get a drink...
You were born into a situation where you didn't have a choice.
And yeah, sure... I have sympathy for you...
...But honestly, if you think I'm going to put up with mean people for the rest of my life, you have another thing coming.
Even in Arizona, a place where I couldn't really make a difference in how people treated me, I was still able to choose my reactions.
Maybe there was a better way to deal with it, but looking back, I can't see the possibility.
I'm probably just as childish as Mae from Night In The Woods...
Hey, I get that some situations are hard, that's just a fact of life.
There's a point, however, that we have to remember that we are not robots that work only to receive a paycheck at the end of the day.
Am I wrong?
Is this what "adulting" is meant to be...?
Because if it is, I don't want to grow up.
Call me a coward, but that's the truth.
...So fricking sorry for having
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 3 0
Who am I really?
I like using 'mens' deodorant, body wash, you name it.
I like the smell.
I wear my hair in a pixie cut.
I like how convenient it is.
I open the door for other people.
I guess I'm just a nice person.
I would LOVE to wear a tux one day.
'Mens' clothing is so sharp. I love it.
I have no desire to go into a 'mens' restroom.
There's no reason urinals should exist when family restrooms are a thing.
I call people around me 'dude' as a general way of addressing people.
If they get offended, I apologize and move on with my day.
So, what can you interpret from these facts about me?
Because honestly... I have no idea what they mean...
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 2 2
This cool person seems like a hero to all
I send them a message, and wait.
A whole month passes and nothing happens.
The whole time I'm thinking I made a mistake.
I start listening to music that makes me feel important.
I like to think I'm a nice person.
But I know that's not always true.
...Does that automatically make me evil?
If that's true, I hope that I can drag the rest of humanity with me.
...Because I don't want to be alone...
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 3 3
I start crying on the couch as my therapist looks me up and down, concerned.
"...I think you need to talk with your medical doctor..."
I can't bring myself to look at them.
I get emotional one fricking time, and what do they tell me?
"...Your medication might need changing..."
Like she's never had a bad day.
Like she's never wanted to disappear into the void sometimes.
I mean every word I speak, when I cry out-
"Am I nothing but a disorder to you?"
"...But bi-polar can be fixed with med-"
"Do you prescribe nothing but pills for someone with a broken arm?"
"Am I cursed to lose all the friends I have ever made just because of some bad chemistry my parents were not prepared for? To run from therapist to therapist, praying I find one that thinks the way I do?? Are my feelings not valid just because I have 'highs' and 'lows'??? IS THAT ALL I AM TO YOU?????????"
She hands me the tissue box off the table, I am ashamed of the goo fountain running down my face.
"...There's more to me than
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 7 6
Unnecessary stress
I have a problem.
They say that all humans strive for perfection.
And that perfection doesn't exist.
And yet...
All these amazing people create universes people can get lost in.
I don't know if this is a problem for other forms of entertainment...
Although, it probably is...
But when people create a role play universe for fun...
...Do you know how hard it is to join in?
Unless you're friends of friends I guess...
I swear that real life is easier to contribute to...
And we all know how harsh reality is...
...I thought that the internet was a place for meeting new people/friends/whatever...
...But now it seems like a place for numbers and gambling for success.
In my case, here on deviant art, it just feels like I make low budget movies for people to hate or love.
No in between.
...And I can't help but rethink all of my relationships...
I wish I could just function like a human being.
Yknow what I mean?
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 5 1
I like rambling
I've got all these thoughts in my head.
I'm going to write some of them here, whether you want me to or not.
I like some forms of mathematics.
I like science.
I like singing.
I like reading aloud and in my head.
I like visual art.
I like writing poems.
I like exercising a little bit.
I like pretty/sharp articles of clothing.
I like food a bit too much.
I like sleep.
I like funny youtubers.
I like video games every now and again.
I like money.
I hate thinking about the things I like.
They are all pretty much useless in a work setting.
I'm not good enough at any of these things to belong in any group in particular.
I stick my nose where it doesn't belong.
I start relationships I have no intent on keeping.
Some people say I'm witty.
Some people find me funny.
...Wit and hilarity aren't going to pay the bills.
And I know this.
I like too much.
I want too much.
I will never be content with anything.
I always thought that was what made someone human.
Now I'm not so sure.
Sometimes I see ever
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 2 1
Why can't I fall the heck asleep???
Well, here's another weird predicament I find myself in.
It's 4:45 am.
My head is literally a dish washer on full blast.
A stupid song is going 88 miles per hour around the inside of my skull.
I'm laying face down on my pillow, blanket cocoon activated.
Everything is either too hot or too cold, at the same time.
One of my nostrils is making it harder for me to breathe.
I have an appointment today.
And the only question running through the logical parts of my brain seems a little redundant.
You know what it is, right?
Well...I wrote it in the title to save you the guesswork.
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 4 17
My opinion on trance
What's the first thing you think of when I say the word 'hypnosis'?
If your definition had anything to do with slaves, masters, or control, then you wouldn't be entirely wrong.
I mean, a lot of people are into it for those very reasons.
However, in my opinion, there's much more to hypnosis than your typical movie interpretation of it.
For example, you can have your senses numbed so you can't feel your body anymore.
You can also paint really vivid stories in your head with the power of suggestion.
And it makes it easier to play improv games because your mind is in a place that makes playing the parts suggested not seem as weird.
There are probably more things you can do with it than I'm listing here.
Eh, I'm a flawed human being. I don't claim to know everything.
I just like what I like.
...I'll shut up about it now...
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 5 12
Human error
You ever meet someone who is just begging for help?
Even though they don't know they're suffering?
I met someone at a green house I was 'working' for.
A dollar a week, whoo hoo...
This person was with me for several weeks, never speaking to me.
Until one day, she introduced herself to me with a peculiar phrase.
"Do you believe in ghosts...?"
And it only got weirder from there.
See, she believed in alternate universes so strongly, that she believed she was an angel in another life.
That she could control in her waking life.
Like, in the middle of class she was fighting demons and whatever.
Being the nice person I was, I played along.
...And then she asked if I wanted to marry her...
Without a ring, but whatever...
Now, at this point I had no idea if same sex marriage was even legal in the state I lived in at the time.
And honestly, I had no intention of marrying someone I barely knew.
So obviously, I told her to wait on her decision.
Few months pass, and she figures out that I was just
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 4 0
It's like I'm from a foreign country.
Trying to speak English around people who speak it fluently.
There's an obvious distance between how we talk.
Me, calculating every word in a pinpoint structure.
And them, smearing their words like an artist smears paint on a canvas.
Sometimes people can understand me.
If they pay close enough attention.
Or have been with me awhile.
First impressions, however...
...I know where I'm not wanted...
...Now if only I could figure out where I AM wanted...
Wouldn't that be a bloody miracle...
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 4 5
Reasons, reasons, reasons...
Why can't the heart reason?
No matter the logical conclusion...
It feels like the heart feels whatever it wants to feel.
I can make people right in my head.
But my heart still claims people as doing wrong.
What a freaking chore they are.
Important, sure...
But do we really need them 100% of the time...?
There's a reason escaping reality is such a toxic desire of mine.
In your dreams, emotions don't really matter.
Because nothing makes sense anyways.
Hypnotic trance is similar to dreaming.
In that it distances people from their emotions.
I'm a fan of it, if you couldn't tell.
...Sometimes I wish I could have an infinite tank of laughing gas.
And never wake up.
But then I remember that coffee exists, and wake up in the morning.
...I guess this exposes how vulnerable of a human being I am...
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 5 0
My freaking biography
So, you guys don't like stories, huh?
Well... I guess if I wrote a really personal one, you wouldn't like it either.
Views without any sort of context...
...I guess that's some sort of achievement, heh...
So, let me summarize a very long story into a few sentences.
I was bullied once.
My family moved away from a nice place for the sake of money.
Sure, I turned into a brat at the time.
...But I thought they would understand my unwillingness to do anything.
Some nasty words were said.
My heart broke in a million different tiny pieces.
And I nearly gave up on reality.
Today, I still haven't fully recovered.
Honestly... I don't think I ever will.
Recently, a stroke of mania sent me to the hospital.
With several electric shocks to my brain, to hopefully bring me back to reality...
...I lost a lot of my memories.
I take pills for it now, replacing pills I apparently took for depression.
...Not that I remember anything about that, but hey...
I've talked to several different therapists, and no
:iconthispersonisunknown:Thispersonisunknown 4 6

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Hey dudes.~

I'm feeling better lately, cause I had a breakthrough.

Gonna try doing stuff not just because other people like it.

Trying on the whole 'self love' thing.

It's hard, but I managed to brush my teeth, put my clothes in the drawers, and take a shower today.

Doesn't sound like much, but it really means the world to me.~

Anyway, enough about me...

Y'all wanna hear some sick tunes? Here ya go.~……

Never posted from soundcloud, so this should be interesting...


Thispersonisunknown's Profile Picture

Artist | Student | Varied
United States
I am no one.


Add a Comment:
Priswolf Featured By Owner May 4, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey, thanks for the watch
PsychicHexo Featured By Owner May 3, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
thanks for the fav! :)
HowManyDragons Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2018
Hey, thanks so much for the watch! Huggle!
UNC2017NATLCHAMPS Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2018
Thank you for the watch!
theyllfindyoudead Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2018
So many favs again :faint: 

Thank you so much! Rock on Rock Out 
theyllfindyoudead Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2018
Thanks a lot for all the favs ^^

Have a nice day and rock on ;)
LonesomeBookworm Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2018  Student General Artist
Thanks again for your support... I hope you're doing well :huggle:
madam--guillotine Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
:happybounce: +fav  
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